When I run, I prefer to run alone. I don’t mind being surrounded by people. In fact, I prefer it, as long as they are part of the blur I’m weaving through—as long as they move aside and don’t engage me.
Because when I run, I turn inward. It’s the way I bleed out the darkness I absorb. But, there are times in which the darkness is too thick to penetrate--too persistent to pound into pavement.
Today I was having one of those days. My head has been in El Salvador. It's been with my loved ones still there living in fear as gang activity surges. My head has been stuck in a violent and unspeakable image I encountered last night. So today I was running hard. I was in my ritualistic blur. Music on blast. Mechanical motion. Autopilot.
Suddenly, a tiny shadow bobbing towards me on my left. I turn quickly to find a radiant little girl. I wave my hand, acknowledging her presence and push harder, looking ahead. She falls back briefly. Then somehow she’s there again, exasperated but holding her own.
“Wait!” she exhales breathlessly.
I slow down momentarily to match her tiny human pace.
“How long have you been behind me?” I ask.
“For...three….blocks...HERE!” she demands, right hand outstretched as she shuffles along at my side.
“Take my hand.”
I was caught off guard by her authoritative tone. I did as she said. We ran together, hand in hand for one full block.
She didn’t say anything else. Neither did I. But as we ran, she looked up at me—slightly winded but smiling and full of so much light. The moment broke a wall in me I didn’t know I had. After she let go, losing speed, I continued forward. I began to sob, feeling a release of so much heaviness followed by a blanket of calm euphoria.
That unspeakable image I saw, I don’t think I will ever outrun it. But now I have this image to cherish. A picture of my rescuer I captured somehow despite my awestruck bewilderment in this unexpected intervention.
As children, we reach out to adults to protect us from the evils of the world. We trust that they have the answers and the power to make things OK. As adults, we realize that children are the true protectors in this world. They emanate truths that have long since dissolved in us under so many layers of fear.
